


Why Are You So Nice To Me?

by ajlynn14



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Intrusive Thoughts, Oblivious Pining, Suicide mention, boyf riends if you squint, the squip is a hoe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-11-23 02:23:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11393400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ajlynn14/pseuds/ajlynn14
Summary: Based off of a prompt on tumblr.“Jeremy.” Michael’s eyes looked deadly focused, and the hand that found its way to Jeremy’s wrist was gripping him so tight he thought he was going to lose circulation to his fingers. “I’ve known you for 12 years. I know when something is going on. You sounded upset over the phone, so I came over here to find you frantic and shaking. What happened.” His tone left no room for lies or half truths.“I-it’s nothing really, just having a bit of a day.” At this, Michael raised his eyebrow so high that Jeremy thought it would disappear into his hairline. “It’s no big deal, really. Just… didn’t want to be alone right now.” Jeremy cringed at how weak that sounded, but he couldn’t deny the truth behind the statement. Michael’s death grip on his wrists softened, but he wouldn’t let go. Jeremy’s thoughts drifted to the fact that Michael hadn’t touched him like this since the Squip incident, and he had forgotten how much he missed it.





	Why Are You So Nice To Me?

The call picked up on the third ring.

“Jeremy! Hey, dude what’s up?” The second that loud voice came through the receiver, Jeremy felt himself starting to cheer up. Everything about Michael was so good and true and real, of course, he’d pick up. Jeremy didn’t know why he’d ever thought differently.

“Hey, Michael! I haven't spoken t-to you in like, a few hours dude, h-how are you?” He cursed the omnipresent stutter as it escaped from his lips, he could almost hear Michael’s forehead crease as he took a mental note of Jeremy’s subconscious worry.

“Uh, I’m great dude, just finished my astrology homework. Really regretting taking that class. I like space but, man, who the fuck wants to spend their free hours mapping out constellations and comparing a million different stories on how Artemis cock-blocked Orion?” A peal of laughter exploded from Jeremy’s end of the phone, and the unsure giggle Michael let out was like the first sunshine after a flood. He could just feel his panic melting into something kinder.

“So what’s up bro, why'd you want to talk, not that I don't like talking to you, it’s just that I’m normally the one initiating spontaneous conversations.” Jeremy pursed his lips as he made the split second decision to not tell Michael about the crippling panic that was about to set in. The Squip had been floating at the forefront of his mind, taunting him, telling him that he was useless without it, he would just be better off dead. If he were dead then he might stop being so tiresome for everyone around him. Maybe people like Rich and Michael and Brooke could finally stop worrying about him and just breathe.

“O-oh um, I was just, ya know, bored heh.”

“Okay….? Want me to come over or something?”

“Yes! I mean, sure, if you want to, you don’t have to if you don’t-”

“Man, calm down, it’s fine. I’m getting in my car right now, just make sure the door’s unlocked this time.” He hung up the phone without a goodbye. 'It’s alright Jeremy, it’s just seven minutes. He will be here in seven minutes and eleven seconds and then everything will be fine. You can hold it down until then.' His thoughts came in rapid bursts. Every single passing second without something to distract him felt like someone was pounding against the inside of his head. 'Michael is almost here, he’s coming to get you, he’s coming to get you.' Minutes felt like hours and nothing seemed to be getting easier. On impulse, Jeremy’s fingers ghosted to the jagged lightning shaped scars on his wrist, aftermath of the Squips questionable coaching methods. Every single horrible thought that reverberated through his mind came in the form of the Squips voice.

_"You should just do it, Jeremy._

_Nobody would notice for weeks._

_Nobody here really wants you around. You should just kill yourself and get out of their hair. Everybody is only talking to you now because they pitied you after your royal fuck up._

_Now Michael is annoyed with you for making him leave his house to cater to you. Why would he ever need such a whiny, needy, tiring person like you?_

_You’re so horrible Jeremy._

_Why are you still here? Why do you keep trying? Why-"_

The Squip was cut off by the doorbell ringing. Shit, Michael’s here. And I forgot to unlock the door. Shit. Jeremy jumped off of the ground (when did he get there?) and shakily made his way over to the front door where Michael was waiting. He swiped the beginnings of tears from his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened the door.

“Shit, man I’m sorry I forgot to unlock it, I-I was caught up with something, and that’s not an excuse but yeah I’m sorry and-”

“What happened?” Jeremy froze.

“N-nothing dude, I-”

“Jeremy.” Michael’s eyes looked deadly focused, and the hand that found its way to Jeremy’s wrist was gripping him so tight he thought he was going to lose circulation to his fingers. “I’ve known you for 12 years. I know when something is going on. You sounded upset over the phone, so I came over here to find you frantic and shaking. What happened.” His tone left no room for lies or half truths.

“I-it’s nothing really, just having a bit of a day.” At this, Michael raised his eyebrow so high that Jeremy thought it would disappear into his hairline. “It’s no big deal, really. Just… didn’t want to be alone right now.” Jeremy cringed at how weak that sounded, but he couldn’t deny the truth behind the statement. Michael’s death grip on his wrists softened, but he wouldn’t let go. Jeremy’s thoughts drifted to the fact that Michael hadn’t touched him like this since the Squip incident, and he had forgotten how much he missed it. Whenever Michael was worried, his eyebrows creased, and his eyes clouded, and his whole physique changed from its natural carefree stance into something so… small. It was awful for Jeremy to see, he hated seeing the strongest person he knew reduced to something so outwardly hurting and insecure.

It wasn’t as if Jeremy didn’t know about Michael’s insecurities because he did. They used to talk to each other about everything before the Squip, but now it was like Michael was so guarded. The kind, smart, hilarious, lovely boy that Jeremy once knew better than himself had become someone who he could barely look in the eye, much less hold an important conversation with.

“Earth to Jeremy.” Jeremy stepped back in surprise, making Michael let go of his wrists. They felt bare without the warmth. “Whoa man, you spaced out for a bit there, you sure you’re okay?” His grin was crooked, and there was a concerned look behind the calm mask he put on. It was unnerving how quickly he could change from one facade to another. How much was he hiding?

“Yeah man I’m good,” He smiled his most convincing I’m-not-dying smile. “d’you want to go play some video games or s-something? You can choose the game if you want. I-I don't really have a preference.”

“Did we ever end up beating Apocalypse of the Damned?” Michael’s grin stretched from one end of his face to the other. When he smiled like that, Jeremy swore he held galaxies within him. Nothing so planetary could feel so intergalactic.

“We’re about to.” 

———

Jeremy started nodding off somewhere into their third Batman movie. They had ditched video games a long time ago and settled to watch every single Batman movie possible in comfortable silence. The Squip kept offering its own personal commentary, and honestly, Jeremy was getting tired of being told he was keeping Michael longer than he was supposed to. Michael would leave if he wanted… right?

A glance at his best friend told him that he was way too invested in the movie to care about any curfew, but still…

“Jeremy, bro, what’s up? You’re barely watching the movie!” Michael hadn't torn his head from the screen but somehow, he knew. How did he always know about this stuff?

“Sorry man, I’m just getting a little tired is all.” As if on queue, a yawn slipped its way past Jeremy’s lips. At this, Michael turned his head towards him, and for a second, his eyes looked almost… sad. But it was gone before Jeremy could actually

“Oh, you wanna go to bed or something? We don’t have to keep watching if you don’t feel like it.” He was already reaching for the remote.

“Yeah, I think that’d be a pretty good idea. Oh, and Michael?” Jeremy took a breath and pushed through before he had a chance to back out. “Do you want to crash here for the night? I-I know it’s late and your parents don’t really like you coming home late so, yeah.” The smile in Michael’s eyes made Jeremy more hopeful than he had been since before he bought the Squip.

“Yeah! Sweet dude, thanks a lot. You probably just saved me from about a year long lecture. My parents are on my back more than ever now that I never really leave the house anymore..” Jeremy winced, that was his fault. He had promised Michael that if his parents ever got too bad, there would always be a place for him at the Heere house. It was the least he could do. Looks like that’s another broken promise to tack onto the list.

“Of course man, you’re always welcome here.”

———

The movie kept playing until the end, and Jeremy couldn’t remember when he’d fallen asleep. All he did know was that the room was dark now and Michael was somewhere in the middle of wrapping a huge blanket around Jeremy.

“Oh, sorry Jer, didn't mean to wake you.” Michael whispered. The use of the old nickname made Jeremy’s heart do somersaults. “You just looked cold and I thought you were too tired to notice so I went up and got you a blanket.” Michael took his knee off of Jeremy’s beanbag and dragged his own beanbag slightly closer before flopping down onto it. Jeremy gave him a small smile before whispering, almost on accident, “Why are you so nice to me?”

The question took Michael by surprise. “Because you’re my best friend, and I want you to be happy.” He raised one eyebrow as though he didn't entirely understand the question. 

“Some shitty best friend I’ve been.” Jeremy mumbled. Michael bit his lip and continued.

“I’ll admit, you were a dick to me, and I don’t forgive you.” Jeremy’s breath hitched, but he sat up nonetheless. This was a talk that they needed to have. “But regardless of how you treated me, it wasn’t entirely you. The Squip did a lot of those things, not you. I’d like to think that you wouldn’t deliberately hurt me, ya know?” Michael looked decades older in the dark basement. 

“Michael, I’m so sorry about that, and it definitely doesn’t cut it. If I had ever known what the Squip would make me do, I never would have taken it, I promise. I don't think there's one thing in life I’d want to do less than to hurt you. You’ve stood by me for 12 years and I feel like I really violated your trust by doing that? I know I made you feel like you weren’t good enough but I promise, I want to do everything I can to get back to where we were.” Jeremy unclenched his hands. It wasn’t all he needed to say, but it felt like a good place to start. (And if Michael saw the tears welling up in his eyes, he didn’t mention them, and for that, Jeremy was grateful.)

Michael had been staring at Jeremy’s hands throughout the speech, but now he looked up with a teary smile. Yes, he was crying, but he didn’t look in the slightest bit sad. “And that’s why I still love you man, you want to try again. That’s all I could ask for.” Jeremy didn't think he’d ever smiled harder in his whole life. Michael still loved him. 

“I love you too, I promise I’ll never pull stupid shit like that ever again.” Now the tears had started falling. 

“Look at us, we’re fucking pitiful.”Both boys laughed, and Michael opened his arms. “Come here, we can be fucked up together.” Jeremy buried his head into Michael’s chest and they both kept giggling until they ran out of breath. Jeremy whispered into the shoulder of Michael’s sweatshirt, “I missed you.”

Michael gave a small chuckle and held on just a little bit tighter. 

“Me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Spot the Dear Evan Hansen reference.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr at smilesbag for any information on my writing, or to hear me scream about fictional things when I should be sleeping.
> 
> Leave a comment!


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